Chapter 4
At the end of the year, the new
year has begun. On New Year's afternoon, I went to Hatsumode with Luna.
“The scenery is beautiful,
isn't it?”
Arriving at the hilltop shrine,
I turned around as I climbed the stairs and unconsciously commented.
Although there were residential
areas and busy train lines nearby, the panoramic view stretching far into the
distance and the clear blue sky in winter were pleasant.
The shrine near A Station,
where Luna had been taken by her father and grandmother a long time ago, seemed
to be a popular New Year's destination for the locals. Although it was already
noon, the line of people who wanted to pray was still long.
“Hmm...you’re right.”
Luna, who responded to me with
few words, hid her head in a soft white scarf and put her hands in my coat
pockets with a chill.
Luna was dressed in formal
attire appropriate for the New Year. The light, cool-colored kimono suited her
perfectly and had an elegance that I wanted to see forever.
However, unlike her outfit, her
expression was not radiant.
“.........”
Since Christmas, Luna's
condition had been lackluster. She should have fully recovered from her fever,
so it probably wasn't her physical health.
“...Tomorrow, he said Fukusato-san
will come to my house.”
Fukusato was the name of her
father's fiancee. She works as an administrator at a hospital in Osaka, and it
seems that the two of them met through a dating app and have been dating since
this summer.
It seems that they see each
other several times a month, going back and forth between Tokyo and Osaka for
several months, but she found a new job in Tokyo and recently moved to this
area.
They seemed to see each other
several times a month, going back and forth between Tokyo and Osaka, but she
said she found a new job in Tokyo and recently moved to this area.
“You remember when I told you
that my father suddenly couldn't come the day before the sports festival,
right? He said he went to look at a month-to-month apartment where his current
girlfriend lives. He was contacted by a real estate agent who said, "There is an empty apartment in the
place you want. Since there are other people looking, please decide soon’. So
he was asked to go to Tokyo to look together. So it doesn't look like it was a
business trip.”
“.... Is that so...”
I didn't know what to say, so I
could only reply with such an ambiguous answer.
I didn't want to criticize him
because he was Luna's father, but I was still angry with him. Even though he
had a daughter.
Even though he was a single
parent and had the freedom to have a girlfriend and meet her, did that take
precedence over the event his daughter was looking forward to?
“…I don't want tomorrow to
come. I had promised to play with Nikoru, but I was told to say hello to her
first. Fukusato-san seemed surprised by my attitude on Christmas Eve. So I have
to apologize to her."
“I see.”
Did Luna really have to
apologize? Maybe that was what her father wanted, but I really wasn't sure.
“I really don't want to...
Unpleasant things followed one after the other. When March came, it turned out
that Fukusato-san was going to move in here. She's going to use the room next
to me....That place used to be my grandfather's study, and now it's going to be
that person's room.”
“…I see.”
“I really didn't want
to...before that happened, I wanted to get out of that house. Nikoru even
offered, 'You can stay at my house,' but
Nikoru's house only has two rooms and that would be a hassle for her mother, so
how could I stay there for a few months, right?”
Luna sighed when she said that.
“I really don't want to... What
should I do next? Maybe I should get a part-time job? But can a high school
student really rent an apartment to live on her own?”
“Hmm....”
I don't know because I've never
looked into it, but it might be difficult without parental permission.
Seeing me at a loss for an
answer, Luna suddenly smiled softly.
“I wish I could live with
Ryuuto.”
Her words sounded like a joke,
but I knew she was half-serious.
“Let's do that.”
“Eh...?”
Hearing my answer, Luna's eyes
lit up.
“Well, but how?”
“The two of us will go to a far
away city...”
“And where will we stay?”
“In a hotel... that's too
expensive.”
In that case, maybe we could
have stayed at Luna's grandmother's house or my grandparents' house, just like
during the summer vacation... But if we continued to laze around and skip
school, our parents would be contacted immediately. So it would be impossible
to stay for a long time.
So it seemed like the only
option was to go to a boarding house. But before that, we had to find a way to
earn money.
“I'm going to work. I don't
know how, whether it's a part-time job or day labor.”
“Uhm, but what about school?
Ryuuto, you've been trying hard to study at the cram school ....”
That's right, if that's the
case, high school life and college entrance exams aren't top priorities.
Besides, I couldn't imagine
what kind of daily jobs were available or how to find them. Even if I was lucky
enough to get a job, it would probably be physically demanding work, and I
lacked confidence in my fitness. Under such conditions, would I be able to make
Luna, who wanted three children after marriage, happy?
The more I thought about it,
the more I could only imagine failure, and I could only remain silent.
“....Sorry.... that's not
realistic at all, right?”
“It’s okay. I'm already happy
with just your feelings.”
Luna smiled softly.
“It's impossible now, isn't it?
So the 'if we could live together'
analogy was just a joke, fufu.”
Seeing my worried face, Luna
said with a smile. Her voice was bright and cheerful. I felt hopeless because
of my own weakness. Seeing Luna's renewed strength was my savior.
As we continued to talk, the
prayer line suddenly moved, pushing us to the front of the collection plate.
Mimicking the adults around us,
we did two bows and clapped, then stood side by side with our hands together.
After I finished praying and
opened my eyes, Luna, who was next to me, still had her eyes closed.
“What were you praying for
before?”
As I entered the shrine with a
feeling of relief after getting out of line, Luna asked me.
“Hmm...”
I was unsure if I should say it
or not.
“...I hope this year will be a
happy one for Luna.”
When I saw her earlier, I
couldn't help but pray for that.
“Well, don't worry. This is a
prayer for two people, surely it will be conveyed to God.”
My prayer and Luna's prayer.
Since everyone should pray for themselves first, the effect transmitted to God
should definitely be greater.
Hopefully, there would never be
an event that would take away this girl's beautiful smile.
As a last act, I prayed
silently.
“Ryuuto...”
Luna's eyes seemed to glaze
over and she looked at me.
And then, with an expression
like someone crying and laughing at the same time, she opened her mouth.
“...Fufu, sorry. In that case,
I may have done something unnecessary.”
“Huh?”
What does that mean? I thought
and Luna smiled at me.
“'Please make Ryuuto happy for me too,’ I prayed.”
“...Luna...”
My heart warmed and I
immediately felt a touching feeling.
She really was such a good
girl. Even though she was in a difficult and miserable state like a root, she
was still able to pray for the happiness of others.
“Hey, what would happen in this
situation?”
Luna asked me curiously.
“Does that mean that we can both
be happy?”
I smiled at her.
“Yeah, maybe.”
We held hands and walked down
the steps of the temple.
The sun should be hot right
now, but the wind that hit my face was so cold it made my nose hurt.
As we walked close together,
seeking each other's warmth, I felt that God was quickly granting Luna's wish.
“Hey, how about we drink some
tea first?”
Luna said as we walked down the
hill where the shrine was and somehow made our way to Luna's house.
“I don't mind, but... are you
sure? Your father and grandmother are home today, right?”
“Yes...that’s why...”
Luna looked down with a dejected
expression on her face.
“I don't want to be with my
father now...because he might say something about tomorrow.”
“I see...”
I empathized with Luna's
feelings, so we went to the front of the station and entered a cafe that was
open.
“Haaa... I really don't want to
go home.”
As we took our seats and sipped
our drinks, Luna suddenly sighed.
“Starting in March... do I have
to feel like this every day .... when it's my own home?”
“But you haven't talked to
Fukusato-san yet, have you? She might be a good person...”
“Impossible.”
Luna refuted my words and tried
to cope with the situation.
“After all, if she becomes
Father's marriage partner, that means she'll become my 'new mother', right? To me, mom is just my real mother...”
Luna shook the cup with both
hands, as if to melt the caramel macchiato whipped cream in the cup.
Although the heated room was
warm and comforting, Luna's expression remained stiff.
“I still can't accept it. Under
the same roof my father sleeps with a woman who has nothing to do with me...”
Luna said as she stopped
shaking her cup.
“I don't want to think about
it... it's so disgusting.”
She said with disgust.
“........”
Lately I've started to
understand a bit. Luna wasn't just a nice girl who was understanding and
mature.
What she received every day
with a smile might actually be “one of
the two” for Luna.
As in the case of Operation Two
Lotte, Luna was stubborn, conservative and selfish when it came to things she
did not want to give up.
She is not only as bright as
the sun.
She also has a shadow like the
moon. Because she is [Luna]. (TN: Luna's name 月愛 is made up of two kanji, one of which 月 means moon, while the other愛 means love/affection).
She's neither a good girl nor
an adult.
She's just a 17-year-old girl,
an ordinary girl you can find anywhere.
“Haaa...”
Luna sighed in front of me.
——
If only I could live with Ryuuto.
In my head, Luna's words that
she had mentioned earlier kept ringing out. At the same time, the helpless feeling
I had just felt returned. Even though she was so sad, could I only rely on God
to help her?
If only I were an adult.
If I had my own income and
could be independent... I could confidently say, ‘Come to my house. Let's live together.’
With my current condition, I
couldn't do anything. It's obvious that if there are two high school teenagers
who run away out of sheer emotion, sooner or later they can't last long.
So what could I do?
I have to think.
If I couldn't create a new
place for Luna, the only thing I could do was to protect the place where she
was now.
But how?
“Luna, can I come to your house
now?”
“Eh?”
Luna looked a little surprised.
“But my father and grandmother
are still there, you know?”
“Yes. I apologize for bothering
your family since New Year's. But I'd like to talk to your father for a
moment.”
I didn't know if I could
convince him.
But it was the only way.
I've never wanted to grow up so
much.
However...
I'm not an adult. Even though
I'm annoyed to admit it, I still haven't gotten to that stage yet.
Children can only rely on the
protection of adults. It was an inevitable thing.
Therefore, instead of
recklessly running away with Luna, I would ask Luna's father to protect Luna's
residence.
It was probably the only thing
I could do.
◇◇◇◇
A New Year's special comedy
show was playing in the living room of the Shirakawa family.
“So, what did you want to talk
about?”
Seeing me sitting on my knees
without sitting on the offered kotatsu, Luna's father felt something was wrong
and showed a confused look.
Luna's father was wearing
casual clothes such as socks and his hair was messy, looking very different
from his previous appearance and looking relaxed.
On the kotatsu, there were
several plates of osechi-like dishes and several cans of beer. Feeling like I
was invading the privacy of someone else's home, a feeling of regret made my
body feel stiff.
Grandma Luna, although
surprised by my sudden arrival on the first day of the new year, said, ‘Would you like to eat mochi soup? I'll make
it now,’ and went into the kitchen. She was the same fashionable and
cheerful person Luna had told me about, with gray hair dyed slightly purple,
which was beautiful.
“Well, actually...”
I barely managed to get a
quivering voice out of my throat.
“...I have a request to
make...”
“A request?”
“U-Umm... Luna-san was very
surprised when she heard that she would be living with her father's spouse from
March... umm, so could you wait a while...?”
I said as I nervously bowed my
head, and Luna's father shook his head as if to say, ‘So you want to talk about that’.
“If that's what you want to talk
about, I already told Luna.”
I felt a surprised and annoyed
look on his face, as if he was asking,
'You came here just to say that?’
Luna, who was sitting upright
behind me, felt that look as well. After a quick glance at his daughter, Luna's
father opened his mouth.
“I have my own life too. Even
as a family, we are all independent individuals. Even though we live together,
we have to respect each other's freedom... That's why I think I've given Luna
enough freedom. She's seventeen years old and an adult, she should understand
this kind of thing.”
When I heard those words, it
felt like something stabbed me in the heart.
The remorse and humiliation I
felt at the shrine tripled.
“High school students are not
adults...”
I wanted to grow up fast and
chase after Luna. Neither Luna nor I were adults. High school students are
distorted beings.
Although I looked like an
adult, had clear interests and preferences, had my own thoughts, and could do
things that adults usually did, I sometimes felt like an adult myself.
But I couldn't live alone. I
still didn't have a way to make a living.
I feel so frustrated and
restless, but what can I do? Because high school students are still considered ‘children.’
And adults have a duty to
protect children.
“It is the responsibility of
adults to provide a place where children can live in peace.”
Otherwise we wouldn't be able
to live.
“Please... don't take
Luna-san's place from this house...”
With her head bowed behind me,
I could tell from the rustling sound of her clothes that Luna was also bowing
her head.
“Even if you say it like
that...”
After a few moments of silence,
Luna's father began to speak.
“I have my own situation here
as well. I didn't want to tell my daughter, so I kept quiet...”
When I lifted my head, Luna's
father looked at me awkwardly.
“My future wife has a health
problem in gynecology... she has a disease of the uterus. She is already 37
years old, and since she is getting married for the first time, she wants to
have a child. It may be difficult to conceive naturally, so she wants to start
infertility treatment.”
Scratching his neck casually,
Luna's father began to explain quietly.
“We have consulted doctors, but
proactive infertility treatment seems to be possible only between a man and a
woman. So we need to get married as soon as possible.”
Luna's father tended to look
away, so I felt I shouldn't look directly at him, so I turned my eyes to the
floor and the walls.
“I haven't completely given up
hope of a natural pregnancy... That's why I want to live together right away.”
As a virgin, I kept looking at
him with a gaze that kept wandering in different directions without fully
understanding what he meant. And with the tension of Luna's father telling me
this, my heart was beating abnormally.
I felt completely uninvited and
wanted to go home right away.
But...
If I backed out now by saying,
“Haa, I see,” Luna's situation wouldn't improve.
“…………”
Luna's father's situation is
Luna's own father's problem.
The thing I think about is
Luna's happiness.
Because I put Luna first, there
was something I had to leave behind.
In my mind, I was thinking
about Kurose-san.
Even if I did this, why didn't
Luna's father, who should love her the most, do the same?
After taking a deep breath, I
opened my mouth again.
“...U-Ummm...I thought there
was such a thing as order in everything.”
I probably would have said
something very rude to Luna's father by now. But since I was the one who ended
my friendship with Kurose-san, I couldn't help but say it.
“I'm sorry if I'm rude, but...
Father, no, Luna-san's father... did you divorce Luna's mother to marry this
person?”
Luna's father looked very
surprised.
“That's impossible. I just met
her recently.”
Seizing the opportunity, I
pressed further.
“If that's the case... a
relationship with that person wouldn't have been possible if you... hadn't cheated
on her, right?”
I felt that for the first time
in my life I saw a look of confusion on the face of the adult in front of me.
Before I could counterattack, I
turned my head completely and searched for words to reassure her.
“Besides... instead of thinking
about a child that might not be born yet, can't you prioritize the happiness of
the daughter who is already in front of your eyes?”
I wanted to say something
cruel. It would definitely hurt Fukusato-san's feelings if she heard it.
But Luna's father was the first
to do bad things.
“Because she's already suffered
a lot.”
Although I didn't ask who I was
referring to, Luna's father must have been able to understand my words. This
way, Luna's father's impression of me would definitely be the worst.
But I didn't care. Although I
didn't like being hated by others. As long as it was for the sake of protecting
Luna, I didn't mind at all.
However, when I saw that Luna's
father was still silent, I became even more agitated and opened my mouth to try
to defuse the situation.
“Ah, umm, it's not like
Luna-san wants you to get married. I think she doesn't mind if it's just a
marriage registration first. I just want you to wait a while to live with your
partner. At least for another year or so... until Luna graduates from high
school.”
I don't know if my words were
heard or not, because Luna's father kept his head down and remained silent.
From the direction of the
kitchen, I could hear Luna's grandmother humming along with the sound of
kitchen knives. She must have been completely oblivious to the situation in the
living room.
The popular comedians joking
around on the TV looked like they were from another planet.
".........."
I was at a loss for words.
As I endured the horrible
silence, Luna's father suddenly stood up.
“Please get out of here right
now.”
His face showed obvious anger.
I guess it was a natural reaction.
“Y-Yes... I apologize for
disturbing you.”
I got up from my kneeling
position shaking. I was ashamed of myself for making him angry without being
able to convince him.
But when my eyes met Luna's, there
was a gentle glint in her eyes.
