Chapter 2
On the day that the school trip
group activities started during the self-study period, Icchi finally went to
school for the first time in a long time.
“Eh... could it be, that
person...”
“Ijichi-kun...?”
My classmates began to react
excitedly. It's not surprising that their reactions were like this.
Icchi's appearance has changed
drastically from before.
Thanks to the removal of the
cheek fat that had buried his eyes, the pupils of both eyes were now clearly
visible, and the impression of single eyelids with drooping eyes had been
removed. The belly that had protruded beneath his uniform had also disappeared,
and the fabric of his uniform fell neatly.
In other words, he was already
a normal-sized high school boy, the only difference being that he was taller
and more muscular.
“Icchi... what happened to
you?”
I was finally able to talk to
Icchi, who somehow gave the impression of being hard to get close to, after the
first period of general studies started and we gathered at the table according
to our respective groups.
“Fufufu...”
Icchi smiled triumphantly,
giving off a mysterious aura.
“You've already figured it out,
huh? Kasshi. I can finally become a
'participating child.'”
“Ehhhh!?”
“Are you serious, Icchi!?”
Nisshi, who had been standing
next to me for some time, also exclaimed in surprise.
Participating children is a
term for KEN fans who can play games with KEN in their video streaming. Icchi
and Nisshi are constantly honing their skills to achieve this goal, but there
are many people all over the country who dream of this, so it's not a dream
that can come true in a short period of time.
“Icchi, aren't you heartbroken
because you were rejected by Tanikita-san...?”
Icchi smiled bravely when he
saw Nisshi's doubtful face.
“It's true that my heart is
broken... but I don't just feel depressed all the time. To overcome this
sadness and anger, I immersed myself in the game... Before I knew it, I had
been building structures for days and weeks without eating or drinking.”
“Obviously, 'for weeks' is a complete lie.”
“You will die, you know.”
“And when I built a world
heritage building in 30 minutes on the 600 craftsman recruitment test, I got a
direct DM from KEN...... [You are
accepted], he wrote. “
“What did you just say?”
“Could it be that among the new
architecture kids introduced in yesterday's stream...”
“Yes. The account called [The
Extrovert Yusuke] is my account name.”
For those who don't know what
we're talking about, Icchi immersed himself in building in a digital LEGO block
game called “Yourcraft”. (TN: A pun on the
game Minecraft)
From the beginning, Icchi has
always been a science student who is good at math and calculations, so it is
not surprising that his architectural skills are superior to others. It seems
that this hidden talent began to blossom after being dumped by Tanikita-san and
playing mindless games under extreme circumstances.
“Seriously...!”
Nisshi held his head in
frustration at being overtaken by Icchi. Seeing Nisshi's reaction like that, I
suddenly realized.
“Huh? Nisshi, why are you in
our class? We have self-study periode...”
"My class is in self-study
periode too, you know!”
Nisshi complained with a whiny
face when I expressed my doubts.
“Please help me! In the school
trip grouping, my class numbered 33 people, you know? I just noticed that there
were already 4 groups of 7 people, and I couldn't help but join the remaining 4
people, but the 4 people turned out to be two girls and two boys, and they all
turned out to be dating!!! I'm just a third wheel caught in an intimate
situation on their double date! I feel like dying instead of joining that group~~~!”
“Uwaaaaaaa......”
The unimaginably harsh
conditions accidentally turned my face into that of a character from Masuda
Kosuke's gag manga Biyori.
“I promise I won't bother you,
so put it under the table or whatever... I'm begging you...”
“O-Okay, I understand.”
Luckily, from now on until the
school trip, the free periods are quite free, so the students are allowed to go
to the library. As long as Sensei isn't around, there's nothing wrong if Nisshi
alone can join our class.
By the way, the girl's faction
is going to the library to get some materials.
“...By the way, is Yamana-san
still the same?”
Nisshi suddenly asked me while
looking around.
The meaning of this question
was probably, “Is she still keeping her
distance from Sekiya-san?”
“Yes, the same as always.”
“Oh, I see. Hmmm...”
Nisshi replied in an attitude
that pretended to be relaxed, but his eyes still darted here and there.
Nisshi's one-sided love seems to continue.
I'd rather support Sekiya-san
myself, so I can't actively support Nisshi, but as his friend, I want to look
after him warmly.
“We're back~!”
Luna shouted happily at this
time, leading the group of girls with materials after returning from the
library.
“Ah, so Nishina Ren here too.”
“What are you doing here?”
Since he was suddenly asked by
Yamana-san and Luna, Nisshi only replied nervously, “Yes, there's something,” because Yamana-san called his name.
“Oh yeah, Ijichi-kun, would you
mind joining our group?”
After being asked by Luna, The
Extrovert Yusuke, or you could say Icchi (Ver.2.0), just replied “....yes” in a low voice and nodded. It
seems that the inside is still the same as the previous Icchi.
“......”
I was curious and checked
Tanikita-san's reaction, but unexpectedly I witnessed something that couldn't
be ignored.
Tanikita-san was staring at
Icchi. Her cheeks flushed and her mouth trembled as she muttered “Hawawa...”.
Then, as if suddenly overcome with embarrassment, she closed her eyes and
raised the book she was holding in front of her face to separate herself from
Icchi.
“....!?”
Wh-What
was that? Is this really the reaction of people who have completely rejected
him?
My question was answered
immediately when Icchi left his seat.
“Right, right, did you see
that? Ijichi-kun.”
Icchi, who was surrounded by
cheerful girls, took on the role of returning materials that were no longer
needed to replace everyone, and Nisshi replied that he would go with him.
Tanikita-san then spoke excitedly to the other girls.
“Uhmm, what?”
“Oh, he's gotten thinner,
hasn't he~. I was surprised.”
Luna and Yamana-san replied.
Kurose-san was reading the material book by herself, assuming that she wasn't
being addressed.
“Not that one, I mean he just
got really cool, you know? His face looks a lot like Lee Joon's.”
Who
is that...? When I turned to Luna, her eyes met mine and
she opened her lips to say that the person in question was a VTS member.
I see, the Korean artist
Tanikita-san likes, huh.
“OMG, it’s really bad. My heart
is beating fast, you know. If I'm not mistaken, Ijichi-kun's height is the same
as Lee Joon's, right? Isn't that really similar to Lee Joon!”
“E-Ehh... is it really that
similar?”
“Well, don't you like Jemi
more, Akari?”
When Luna and Yamana-san
responded to her ramblings, the corners of Tanikita-san's mouth twitched.
“I'm not his fan! I'm a real
fan of Lee Joon.”
“Hmm~ Is that so?”
“Then why don't you just go out
with Ijichi-kun?”
Upon hearing Luna's words,
Tanikita-san's expression immediately became shocked.
“W-What are you talking about!?
How could I do that! I already completely rejected Ijichi-kun's confession at
the school festival and made him miss school for a month, you know!”
Oh, so she realized that,
huh... Still, her reaction was only that. After all, she is a girl with a
strong heart.
“I also said, ‘I don't know much about Ijichi-san, but
does that mean you only like my face?’ Doesn't that mean I'm the same, just
by looking at his face! No thanks, really! Apart from being lame, plus it seems
like I really don't know shame! I won't even do it until I die!”
Tanikita-san covered her face
and flapped her legs.
Out of curiosity, I operated my
smartphone on my desk and searched for a picture of ‘Lee Joon’. It's true that his facial appearance is quite similar to
Icchi's appearance now, but his hair color and hairstyle look different in each
photo, and he's wearing makeup, so to be honest, I still can't say for sure.
Well, the fans themselves say
that the two of them look a lot alike, so maybe it’s really true.
“That's why it's impossible! Don't
ever tell anyone directly!”
“Ehh~ What a shame, you know~!
Ijichi-kun probably still likes Akari, too, so I think you can do it with one
try.”
“Besides, he was so shocked
when Akari rejected him that he lost a lot of weight, right? He would have
accepted you right away.”
After Luna and Yamana-san said
that, Tanikita-san still shook her head stubbornly.
“No. I still don't want to do
it. I would never confess after saying something like that to him.”
Then she suddenly looked in my
direction.
“Kashima-kun too, don't ever
tell Ijichi-kun. If you dare, I will finish you off."
She threatens me with a
frightening look if I do something, and I tremble with fear inside.
“O-Of course...!”
Icchi himself was in the mood
to make it to the 'Participating
Children', and I thought I should leave them alone for now.
However, there is one thing I
really want to confirm.
“But… umm, Tanikita-san?”
“Hmm?”
She looked at me in surprise
because I don't usually talk to her.
“Icchi is still a virgin, you
know?”
Tanikita-san frowned so
clearly.
“....then what's the problem?”
“Huh?”
Didn't
you talk about that with Yamana-san the other day... while
I was thinking that, Tanikita-san opened her mouth with a serious expression on
her face.
“Kashima-kun. I am going to
teach you the most powerful technique that can make a woman feel aroused for no
reason.”
Tanikita-san said to me as I
gasped at her great enthusiasm.
“It was 'His looks are my ideal type'.”
“............”
“With that in mind, all other
conditions become secondary.”
“...........”
What a double standard girl.
The answer was so amazing that
I even felt refreshed.
I was so astonished that I
couldn't say anything else to Tanikita-san, who looked at me confidently.
◇◇◇◇
Similar study activities
continued the following week, and Nisshi still mingled with our class in the
same way.
Since it's almost like
self-study, this moment becomes a time when anything is possible, including
falling asleep and skipping class. Icchi, who received a new architectural
assignment from KEN, fell asleep as soon as he cleared his desk due to lack of
sleep every day. I tend to stay up late at night because I have to study for
semester exams and tutoring school exams, affected by his actions, and fall
asleep too.
When I woke up, it had been
about 30 minutes since free time started. Luna was not in her seat, and there
was no sign of Kurose-san or Tanikita-san. I bet they went to the library
together.
The only people left at our
group table were Yamana-san, Nisshi, and Icchi, who were fast asleep. Nisshi
sat on Tanikita-san's chair and faced Yamana-san without doing anything. It
felt like the topic of their conversation was suddenly cut off and there was an
awkward silence.
They hadn't even noticed that I
was awake. I felt like I had to let it go somehow, so I turned my face back to
the table and just looked at them.
“...B-By the way.”
Nisshi opened his mouth.
Nisshi... Among the three of
us, Nisshi is the one who seems to have a self-conscious teenager, and he never
talks to girls on his own. I was secretly impressed by him.
“We both have the kanji '名' in our surnames, right?”
For a moment, I thought, ‘Huh? What are this guy talking about?’ But
Nishina and Yamana... if you think about it, there's some truth to it. I never
noticed it at all. (TN: The Na ending at the end of the their surname use is the
same kanji)
“Yeah.”
Yamana-san replied with a bitchy
and indifferent face. Her character is not like that because she is in front of
Nisshi, but she is always like that in class..
“What's wrong with taht?”
When asked again, Nisshi looked
a little uncomfortable.
“I-It's nothing... but, I
wonder if there's something between the lines.”
“What?”
"No, um... something
like...”
Nisshi stuttered and struggled
to get his voice out.
“So-Something like fate?”
He
said it...
If
you had said that, even Yamana-san might have realized Nisshi's feelings.
When I gasped at the thought,
Yamana-san opened her mouth to Nisshi without changing her stance at all.
“Don't you want to flirt with
me? You're still ten years too young for that.”
I would be heartbroken to hear
such an answer, but Nisshi was not affected at all.
“Maybe.”
He looked at Yamana-san
intensely.
“If I don't do something, I
won't be able to progress.”
In my delusion, the duo of male
comedians in polo shirts started singing and dancing, “Of course boss~”, but something seemed to resonate with
Yamana-san, and a slight blush appeared on her cheeks.
“I already have a boyfriend,
you know.”
“I know.”
Nisshi replied to Yamana-san's
blunt words with a firm tone.
"But you can't reach him,
can you? Until the entrance exam is over.”
The atmosphere became tense and
Yamana-san looked at Nisshi with a serious look.
“...Do you intend to become
Senpai's replacement?”
Nisshi nodded nervously.
“I-I will try my best.”
Yamana-san looked at Nisshi
with a suspicious look.
“I can guarantee it. It's
really impossible.”
“You won't know until you try,
right!”
Nisshi replied, raising his
voice as if he was annoyed. Then he looked at the classroom door and hurried
back under the table.
The ones who entered the
classroom turned out to be Luna, Kurose-san and Tanikita-san. I'm sure Nisshi
reflexively hides, thinking that Sensei is back.
“We're back~”
“Eh, Luna, these people don't
want to get up at all, you know. Should I wake them up by beating them? They
haven't done anything today.”
Yamana-san complained to Luna.
The “those people” she meant were me
and Icchi.
I closed my slightly open eyelids
and pretended to be asleep again. All these actions were to fool them that I
had been awake a while ago and had listened to the conversation between Nisshi
and Yamana-san.
“It's okay. I'm sure he's
exhausted.”
From her voice, I guessed that
Luna was sitting there laughing.
“Lately, Ryuuto seems to be
busy with his studies. I think he might be sleep deprived. Ryuuto's part, let
me do it.”
Luna's loving voice touched my
heart.
“In that case, let me do
Ijichi-kun's part!”
Tanikita-san said excitedly as well.
“Kyaa, his sleeping face is
very similar to Lee Joon's too! I want to take a picture! Sensei hasn't come
yet, has he? Do you think I can take out my smartphone or not?”
“Ahahaha, that's called
peeking, Akari~”
“Besides, why can you see the
sleeping faces of the VTS members?”
“Because the members often upload
their locker room videos.”
Tanikita-san replied to Luna
and Yamana-san.
I'm
really enjoying my youth, I thought.
Everyone
has feelings for someone.
Even
if it's just a one-sided love.
While thinking that, I opened
my eyelids slightly and closed them again in surprise at the person whose eyes
met mine.
The figure of Kurose-san
looking at me and smiling calmly remained vivid in my mind for a while.
◇◇◇◇
One day, I was on my way home
from the tutoring school. As I finished studying for the exam and was walking
down a dark street toward the station, I was suddenly called from behind.
“Kashima-kun.”
I was surprised. I knew who the
person was before I even turned around.
“Kurose-san... Is your class over
already?”
Kurose-san walked up to me and
looked at me with a smile.
“No, I'm just out from the
study room. I came in late because I had to study for the exam."
“Oh, me too. Besides, there's
an exam next week, right?”
“Really~. I want to watch
Kino-san's new video, and the videos I want to watch are piling up.”
“Speaking of videos, I watched
the video Kurose-san recommended the other day.”
“Eh, really!?”
Then we started talking about
streaming video games, and we went home together chatting enthusiastically.
“By the way, since Kashima-kun
mentioned it, I watched KEN-san's werewolf game video for the first time a few
days ago.”
“Oh, and how was it?”
“It feels so exciting! There
may be some people who can play werewolves better than KEN-san, but there aren't
many people who can make video games as interesting as KEN-san.”
“Is that so?”
When Kurose-san, who was a fan
of werewolf games, told me this, I felt happy as if I was the one being
praised.
“Then you can try watching the
video game Yourcraft.”
“Ohh, that said Ijichi-kun
appeared too, right? I heard you talking the other day.”
“Right, that one. I think that
one is easier to follow because of the arrival of new people.”
“That's right. In that case,
try to tell me the title.”
“Yes... wait, I'll look for it.
Uwahh, so much already. The videos KEN uploaded are just too many.”
So, in no time at all, we
finally arrived at Station K.
“Kurose-san, are you riding a
bike today?”
When I asked her at the
roundabout in front of the station, Kurose-san averted her eyes slightly and
shook her head.
“No. I'm walking.”
“Oh, I see..."
I felt confused because I was
reminded of the last time I brought her home. I happened to run into Luna
waiting in front of Kurose-san's house and got a suspicious look from her.
But it was already 10 p.m. Even
if we're just friends, I wonder what it's like to be a guy who leaves a girl to
go home alone.
After hesitating for a moment,
I came to the conclusion...
“...I can get home this way.
Let's turn off the main road and go to the grocery store at the end of the road
together.”
That way, I could drop her off
halfway with the natural excuse, “I
happened to run into a classmate of mine who was on her way home.”
“Thank you.”
Kurose-san looked a little sad,
then blushed and said.
“I'm really sorry about the
other day. After that, you have to be scolded by Luna, right?”
After we left, Kurose-san asked
me something like that.
I think he was referring to the
time we met Luna the other day.
“Ahh... no, she's not angry at
all.”
“Huh, really?”
Kurose-san replied with a
surprised face.
“Luna rarely gets angry with
her friends, but when she gets angry in front of me, she looks really scary. So
I think she showed that side of herself to Kashima-kun as well.”
“Eh? U-No... well...”
Luna's face when she was angry,
huh... I had seen her show more emotion than usual on several occasions, like
when she sulked like a spoiled child or when she got jealous, but I couldn't
imagine a situation where she would be so angry.
“I guess treating your own boyfriend
and sister is different, huh?”
Kurose-san narrowed her eyes
slightly, as if she was going back in time.
“The two of us are best friends
as well as rivals... at least that's what I think.”
“...I wonder what
Shirakawa-san's expression is when she's angry?”
When I asked, Kurose-san turned
her eyes to the distance.
“I think the incident that
upset Luna the most was the 'Chi-chan' incident.”
After saying that, she smiled
slightly.
“'Chi-chan' is a toy cat doll. When I was little, when I went to
play with my aunt, I looked at the mall and my aunt bought it for me.”
We walked side by side on the
wide sidewalk of the main street. Kurose-san continued to talk while looking
down at her feet, which were illuminated by the street lamp.
“But I wasn't really into
stuffed animals. So I brought it home and left it alone, then Luna asked me, ‘This stuffed animal is for me, okay?’ I
said, ‘Sure, go ahead,’ then Luna
named it [Chi-chan] and started
making it cute by wrapping ribbons around it and dressing it up in clothes made
of handkerchiefs.”
When I imagine Luna's childhood
figure like that, it makes me smile and my heart flutters.
“When I saw that, I thought
Chi-chan looked really cute and I missed her. So when Luna went out to play
with Chi-chan, I asked her to bring Chi-chan back, but she suddenly got very
angry and hit me, saying, 'No!’ I was
only about six years old, but I remember it vividly. I was really afraid of
Luna then.”
Kurose-san bit her lip slightly
and bowed her head.
“When I think about it now, I
guess I was the one who was wrong. But I cried so hard back then because I
thought she didn't have to be so angry.”
With a faint smile, Kurose-san
lifted her face. Her gaze was greeted by a crescent moon floating low in the
night sky.
“I really admire Luna, don't I?
So I wanted something that Luna would like. Maybe it doesn't have to be just
Chi-chan.”
Then she laughed at me who was
listening in silence.
“We really don't look alike, do
we?”
“U-Umm...”
“Just because it looks cute
doesn't mean it can make someone popular. People love her because Luna is Luna.
That's Luna's natural talent.”
Kurose-san often talks about
Luna. Even though we had the same number of conversations in Game Streaming,
when it came to Luna, she spoke more often because she probably had a lot of
information about Luna.
And I don't think it's
surprising because she wants to talk about it.
That’s right.
Kurose-san really loves Luna.
Even now, it's still the same.
She loves her so much that she
really wanted to talk to someone about it.
“I'm jealous of Luna... I don't
have the talent to be liked by people.”
Her figure looking up at the
moon and telling me how she feels is heartbreaking.
I think she is a beautiful
girl. From then to now.
I really want to see this
figure. It was four years ago when I had a glimmer of hope by confessing my
feelings to her, but it was fleeting and fell apart.
“That's not true at all. Since
the first year of junior high school, Kurose-san was very popular.”
I said this, remembering that
time with bitterness in my throat.
If it weren't for that broken
heart, I wouldn't be who I am today.
I was ready to be rejected,
just as I was then, so that I could confess my feelings to Luna and end my
reckless unrequited love as soon as possible.
The present is an extension of
the past.
I have “no experience,” but that doesn't mean I've never been in love.
If you call the process of
falling in love with someone until that feeling is buried ‘love,’ then I'm
falling in love beautifully.
I
have given you my first love.
It
may be something you don't want.
Still,
I do not regret falling in love with you.
“...First year of junior high
school, huh?”
Kurose-san muttered under her
breath, as if she wanted to chew on my words.
“I was full of lies back then.”
Kurose-san looked at me with a
self-deprecating smile.
“Back then, I was acting 'like a girl who looks like Luna’.
That's why I think the person who made Kashima-kun fall in love is Luna.”
"No, that's not true at
all.”
I shook my head in
disagreement.
“Kurose-san is Kurose-san.”
Kurose-san has been completely
different from Luna since then.
I like Kurose-san's uniqueness.
“That's why... If everyone
knows what kind of girl Kurose-san really is, I'm sure there will be many
people who will like you in the future.”
However, Kurose-san's
expression didn't lighten at all.
“There are a lot of people,
huh...”
Kurose-san muttered with a
lonely smile while looking at the moon with a distant gaze.
“...As I thought, I can't
defeat that moon, can I?”
It was then that I realized.
Her true intentions.
—
I only like you out of my own selfishness.
On the day of the sports
festival, I thought I understood the true feelings hidden in the words
Kurose-san spoke on the roof of the school building.
Ever since that day, I've
wondered.
Why did Kurose-san, who should
know that I have no intention of breaking up with Luna, continue to
"selfishly love" me?
When Icchi confessed her
feelings to Tanikita-san at the festival, Tanikita-san said something like
this.
—
Confessing your feelings is not a game. If it's a gacha with a 1/10 chance, you
can win once if you play it ten times, but even if you confess your feelings to
the same person ten times at the same time, it doesn't mean you'll get an
"okay" answer just once, you know. If it doesn't work, it definitely
doesn't work. Also, the real world cannot be replayed.
—
Isn't that also a form of love, not forcing your feelings on someone you like?
At that time, I was thinking
about Kurose-san.
I hesitated to think if
Kurose-san felt the same way about me.
But the truth is different.
Kurose-san just didn't play the
gacha because she knew she wouldn't get what she wanted.
Then she waits for bugs that
might happen at certain moments.
The bug where I chose
Kurose-san over Luna.
That must be really painful.
Up until now, I only thought
about my relationship with Luna and worried about my relationship with
Kurose-san.
If I had been completely in
tune with Kurose-san's feelings from the beginning, I might have realized the
path I should have taken much sooner..
I'm sorry about that.
──Take
care of your own world. Enjoy your life as freely as possible. Are you sure you
can't be friends with other girls for the rest of your life?
Sekiya-san said that to me.
I think there's an order to
things.
First of all, I didn't have any
girlfriends until I started dating Luna. Even talking to girls is rare.
It all started with Luna.
Since I started dating Luna, a
new world has opened up for me.
Without Luna, I would never be
friends with the Kurose-san I met. Even Yamana-san and Tanikita-san would
change classes without ever talking to me.
All this is thanks to the
existence of Luna.
For me, Luna is the most
important thing.
That's why I don't want another
girl to be close to me if I lose my love for Luna.
I'm different from Sekiya-san.
The concept of girl friends is something that never existed in my world.
So I guess this is the choice
I'm going to make.
“I'm sorry, Kurose-san.”
Kurose-san looked at me
suspiciously when I said this after a moment of silence.
“Maybe it's better if we don't
talk to each other anymore.”
Kurose-san's eyes widened and
her expression froze.
“Kurose-san is an extraordinary
girl, and we both have the same hobbies... It feels really good to talk to you.
So... I'm really sorry about this so far.”
I stuttered to Kurose-san
without looking at her face.
“Even if time passes...
assuming that one day when we can be friends again... I want to talk to
Kurose-san again.”
I know this is a selfish statement.
I might never be friends with her again if someone said that to me. I think
that possibility is very high.
Nevertheless, I had no choice
but to take this path.
“Thank you for agreeing to be
one of my few friends in such a short time.”
Kurose's expression when I saw
her again was surprisingly gentle.
“You're welcome, me too.”
As if she had been prepared for
this day to come, Kurose-san smiled softly.
Without realizing it, we had
arrived in front of the convenience store at the intersection.
“Then goodbye...”
After saying my piece, I
couldn't think of anything else to continue the conversation, so I tried to
turn around to leave.
“Kashima-kun.”
That was when Kurose-san
stopped me.
“Finally, can I ask you
something?”
“Y-Yes?”
Kurose-san smiled faintly and said
to me as I looked back.
“When we were in the first year
of junior high school, why did you like me?”
“Eh...”
I didn't expect to be asked
such a question, so I was confused and speechless.
It brought back memories of
when I fell in love with Kurose-san. The voices coming from the chair next to
me, her breathing, the sound of her chattering... My heart was racing with
every move she made.
Even though she was a beautiful
girl, she was very kind to me. So I thought maybe she liked me.
How could I not like her.
“Because you are a cute girl.”
No matter how much I thought
about it, I couldn't come up with a good answer, so I had no choice but to say
it.
“Oh, I see.”
Kurose-san raised her eyebrows
slightly and smiled.
“... May I also ask you a
question?”
I also asked a question that
had been bothering me for a long time.
“Why do you like me now, after
you dumped me in the past...?”
When Kurose-san was spreading
slander about Luna, she told me that she fell in love with me after I listened
to her and gave her hard advice.
But is that really all it is?
Is that really all it takes for her to still have feelings for me even after
being rejected once?
I want to know what's in her
heart, her true feelings.
“..........”
Kurose-san looked at me
intently and smiled as if to calm her nerves.
“Back then... when I met
Kashima-kun, the most important thing for me was to be liked by others. That's
where my heart was when my father wouldn't choose me.”
Sounds like a story I've heard
before.
“To be liked by a boy means to
make him feel love for me, right? I don't care about anyone. I want as many
boys as possible to like me. When a boy confesses his feelings to me, I feel
relieved. The reason I rejected Kashima-kun is because I have no intention of
dating anyone. It's not important for me to like someone, and if I date
someone, I can't be popular anymore.”
I listened to the story in
silence.
“The reason I like Kashima-kun
now is because... I hated myself for being like that. I thought it was
impossible to get people to like me again. I was jealous of Luna, who was still
liked by everyone even though she had a boyfriend. It also frustrated me that
Kashima-kun trusted Luna more than me. Even though you used to like me...if
only I had reached out to her back then...then all of your kindness would have
been mine, but...now most of your kindness is directed toward Luna...but
sometimes you still show it to me...even though all of Kashima-kun's kindness
used to be mine.”
Kurose-san bit her lips and
muttered with a somber expression on her face.
“When I think about it, my head
is already filled with Kashima-kun.”
When I remained silent,
Kurose-san looked up and looked at me.
“So ridiculous, isn't it? I
understand that myself.”
Kurose-san then smiled stiffly
and turned away.
“Then I'll go home first.
Bye-bye.”
“Ah, yes...”
When I saw her back receding, I
began to think.
Ah, I see.
Maybe I was “Chi-chan” in her eyes.
──If
a girl approaches you in the future, I dare say she's not interested in you,
but she's aware of Luna's existence.
I remembered what Yamana-san
said the other day.
Because Kurose-san admired Luna.
──Even if the guy isn't your
type at all, you might sometimes think, "If this is the guy she chooses,
he must be a great guy," and the guy will look 50% more handsome.
As Tanikita-san said, that kind
of psychology is possible.
My feelings were mixed as I was
filled with both relief and disappointment.
Without even turning to look at
me, Kurose-san walked away from me.
The person Kurose-san saw was
not me, but Luna.
If that was the case, wouldn't
her true happiness be in regaining her bond with Luna?
“I don't know, maybe I'm
thinking too much.”
As a cherry boy, I will never
know the truth, no matter how hard I try to imagine it.
For now, I hope that Luna's
friendship plan can go smoothly and that the relationship between the two of
them can return to normal.
Because there's nothing more I
can do.
While I was thinking about
that, Kurose-san's figure became smaller and smaller.
Kurose walked down the last
street to her house. It's a narrow alleyway that stretches for hundreds of
meters, and as I recall, there was a lonely shrine in front of the apartment,
which gave it a somewhat ominous feel.
Kurose-san was about to walk
past the shrine and almost reached her apartment.
When I thought of going home
after watching her from afar....
Behind Kurose-san's figure,
which was already the size of a pea, another figure suddenly appeared and
walked toward her.
As I looked at her
uncomfortably.... after a while, I could hear someone screaming.
It was a scream that came from
far away, the sound so low that the people on the main street didn't notice it.
Since I had seen that figure
before, I was worried and ran closer to the shrine area out of curiosity. I
couldn't see Kurose-san's figure anymore. I wonder if that scream I just heard
was just my imagination, and if she has reached her apartment?
I hope so.
As I was about to cross the
entrance of the temple, hoping anxiously.
“...!?”
A black figure jumped in front
of me.
“Uwaa!?”
I jumped back in surprise, and
a figure that looked like a man came running behind me.
“.........”
It turned out not to be
Kurose-san.
I looked around for her
whereabouts and found...
“Kurose-san!?”
Kurose-san was lying limp on
the shrine grounds.
“Are you okay...!”
As I approached and called out
to her, Kurose-san staggered to her feet.
“Kashima... kun...?”
“What happened to you,
Kurose-san...”
“...I was attacked by an
unknown man...”
Kurose-san looked really pale
and trembled as she said this.
The figure that just jumped in
front of me must be the culprit.
“When I screamed, he pushed me
instead...”
I couldn't leave her alone in
this state, so I gave her my shoulder and helped her up.
After the suspect had long
since fled, I took Kurose-san with me to the nearest police station.
“Attempted molestation? I knew
that shrine over there was pretty deserted.”
“You must be shocked. Please
tell us what happened in that room.”
Two policemen came out and led
a trembling Kurose-san into a back room.
“And you? Are you her friend?”
One of the older cops asked me,
and I was stunned.
The two of us aren't friends
anymore... We're just classmates.
“No... I'm just her classmate.
I was just passing by.”
I wondered how the policeman
would feel from my reaction, and the policeman suddenly became unfriendly.
“Oh, I see. Then leave it to
us. Your parents will be worried if you don't come home as well.”
“Ah, yes...”
The sliding door of the police
station was closed, so I had no choice but to leave and start walking.
The main road near the police station
is well lit and there are many cars moving around. The adults on their way home
from work walked quickly down the sidewalk, overtaking me as they walked
slowly.
If it were the previous me, I'm
sure I wouldn't have let Kurose-san go through that. I'll take her back to her
apartment.
But I chose this path myself.
Even as I thought that, the
weight of regret tightened in my chest and made me feel uneasy.
What
should I do...
After walking aimlessly for a
while with my hands in my pockets, I suddenly stopped when my apartment
building came into view.
I took out my smartphone and
called Luna.
After the fifth call, my call
was finally connected.
“Hello,
Ryuuto? Unbelievably, Ryuuto called me all of a sudden! Hurray!”
When I heard Luna's cheerful
voice, I felt somehow relieved and my smile broke out.
“Hello Luna...”
“Hmm?”
“Could you call your mom?”
Luna seemed to be surprised by
my question.
“Eh,
mom? You mean my mom?”
“Yes...”
After hesitating for a moment,
I began to explain.
“Kurose-san was attacked by a molester
some time ago and is currently at the police station. I want her guardian to
come pick her up.”
I'm sure Kurose-san or the
police will contact her later, and maybe I won't have to tell her about it.
Even though I wasn't wrong at
all, suddenly my body and soul felt like I was being hurt by a stranger...
There was nothing else I could do for Kurose-san, who might feel a little
lonely in front of the police officers, since I wasn't even her friend, just
this is all I can do for her.
Even if we are no longer
friends, we are still classmates. I didn't want to deny my desire to do
something for her as a classmate.
Besides, I need to talk to
Luna.
It seems to be the only way to
get rid of this fog of fear that is in my chest.
“Eh, Maria! Uh, yeah, I see...
I'll contact her first...”
Luna said in a confused tone.
“Eh, could it be that you were
with Maria?”
“About that... I wonder if we
could meet now? I'll go near your house.”
She didn't answer at all.
“Luna?”
When I asked if she couldn't
hear me, she finally answered.
“Ah, yes... okay, I
understand.”
For some reason, her voice
sounded dark and somber.
◇◇◇◇
We met at a convenience store
about 50 meters from Luna's house.
I could see Luna walking from
the front of her house.
Luna, who was wearing a coat
over her casual clothes, had a serious look on her face.
“What is it? To have to meet at
this hour... you must have something to talk about, right?”
Luna, who came up to me, said
at the beginning of the opening.
“...Yes, actually...”
Just as I was about to speak...
Tears started to flow from
Luna's eyes.
“W-What's wrong?”
“I don't want to hear it.”
Luna pushed me away with her
hands and wiped away her tears with her fingertips.
“I really can't stand it...
you're with Maria, aren't you? I can't stand to hear it...”
“What? What I wanted to say was
exactly...”
“No!”
Luna shook her head like a
spoiled child.
“I won't ask you... I didn't
hear anything and I'll pretend I wasn't called here...”
“What are you talking about...”
“You cheated, right? With
Maria... Since this is about Ryuuto, it's not an affair, right? That kind of
thing is just called a 'change of heart',
right?”
“You're wrong...”
“I don't care!”
Interrupting my words, Luna
pleaded desperately while crying.
“If it's Ryuuto, I'll forgive
you for cheating...! I won't be contacting you for a while, so take your time
and think about it. Don't tell me that you want to break up... and come back to
me...”
“Wait Luna.”
“See you...”
Her turned body looked like it
was in slow motion.
I wanted to stop it, but I
couldn't make a sound.
Luna had already started
walking away.
“Wait ...”
My voice froze in my throat as
I tried to scream.
I've
always admired KEN's unwavering fast shooting when playing FPS games.
I'm
always indecisive, and it's the same in games.
Which
enemy should I shoot first? What about the position of my friends? I was afraid
that if I got shot... Thoughts like that would swirl around in my head and I
would lose concentration and before I knew it, I would miss my shot.
It
is the same in the real world.
I
couldn't chase it through the halls of school when Luna's smartphone broke, or
on that rainy day.
I
always regret it.
Even
though I always have the answer inside.
The
arrow in my heart always points at Luna.
But
if I run after her, if I beg her, but she rejects me, what should I do? I'm
afraid of this possibility. I'm afraid of being hurt by her rejection.
But
how long do you want this to go on?
The
party in a dating relationship is both of us.
Whether
it's the meeting place or the purpose of the date, I always leave it up to Luna
and just let her express her intentions.
Am
I okay with that?
Isn't
it natural for Luna to feel anxious?
So
I have to show my courage.
Courage
to express my will.
“Wait a minute, Luna!”
An office worker coming out of
the convenience store looked at me curiously when I called out loud.
Luna stopped. I caught up with
her and took her hand.
“I told you, it's not like
that.”
I said immediately to Luna,
whose back was still turned to me.
“You always do this. You always
run away without listening to me first... Let's talk about this carefully, just
the two of us. Didn't you say so yourself...”
Luna let go of my hand and
turned to me.
“I don't want to... I'm
afraid... I'm afraid...”
Luna looked at me with a tear
streaked face.
“I don't want any more. I don't
want the people I care about to leave me... I want to become a family with
Ryuuto, but if I break up with you before that happens, I'll lose someone as
important as my family again.”
Passersby pretended not to see
us as we stood by the electric pole next to the convenience store.
“That's why I feel like I
should put the brakes on my feelings, like I shouldn't like Ryuuto any more,
and I want to run away... But Ryuuto never betrayed me, you always waited for
me even though I was always selfish .... Why me? Why me? Even though I'm not a
good girl.”
“Luna...”
“I always feel anxious, you
know. With me being like this... Ryuuto might turn to another girl one day.”
Luna stopped me with a look and
lowered her head.
“Maria is a girl who has a firm
stand. She's different from me, who just goes with the flow. .... If I were a
boy, I would rather go out with Maria than myself.”
“Did you even thinki that far?”
The anxiety I felt earlier had
subsided as I listened to Luna's heartfelt outburst.
I think she's beautiful and
adorable.
Although she was a wonderful
girl, she still had complexes and longed for someone who had something she
didn't have, and I felt close to her humanity.
“Then let me tell you first.”
After hearing my words, Luna
looked up and saw me.
“The only person I want to
date... the only person I want to have a relationship with is... only you,
Luna.”
A hint of excitement immediately
appeared on Luna's face.
Although it feels embarrassing,
this is not the time to be ashamed.
Even if I had a million loves
inside me, if I didn't express them through words or gestures, it would be
useless.
At least for Luna.
The reason why I didn't tell
Luna everything that happened between me and Kurose-san wasn't because I had an
ulterior motive that I might have a chance with Kurose-san, but because I was
thinking about Luna's relationship with Kurose-san. I realized that if I told
her everything, it might make their relationship even more awkward.
But if my wishy-washy attitude
of pretending to be nice had made Luna uncomfortable, then ....
It's only natural that she
can't feel love from a guy like that.
Whether I talk about it or not,
the things that happened between me and Kurose-san will never change.
I have to tell her everything,
and then we'll decide what to do.
Let's trust Luna... Trust her
and let go of this restlessness in my heart.
As I thought about it,
Sekiya-san's words came back to me.
──
Sometimes it's better if she doesn't know. Sharing everything with your
girlfriend doesn't mean that it shows your sincerity.
That might be true.
But didn't Luna already tell me?
──
The two of us are really different, aren't we? That's why we sometimes
misunderstand each other like the other day... So I think we should tell each
other what we think so that it doesn't happen again.
I'm the one who's dating Luna.
Not Sekiya-san.
Then I should have believed
what Luna said. From the beginning, before asking anyone else.
After a long silence, I took a
deep breath and opened my mouth.
“I've never been popular or
skilled... sorry, this is the only way I can show my sincerity.”
I then told Luna, who gave me a
strange look.
“I just stopped being friends
with Kurose-san before, so I can't cooperate with Luna's friendship plan
anymore.”
“Ehh ....”
Luna gasped in surprise.
“What do you mean? But when
Maria was attacked by the molester... weren't you with her?”
“No, I just happened to meet
her at the K station on my way home from cram school... after that we parted
ways at the intersection... I think she probably wouldn't have been attacked by
a molester if I had been with her.”
“..........”
“The story I'm about to tell
may sound complicated to Luna, but... I want to tell you how I really feel
about Kurose-san.”
Luna looked grim and nodded
softly.
“Around last summer, when
someone took a picture of me hugging Kurose-san... The day before that,
Kurose-san called me to the gymnasium warehouse and confessed her feelings for
me.”
Luna watched me with bated
breath.
“When we were alone together,
hugging... then I pushed her down.”
Luna opened her eyes wide.
“Of course I didn't do more
than that... I'm really sorry for keeping it a secret until now.”
In fact, Kurose-san tried to
seduce me by calling me and pretending to be Luna by imitating her voice, but
no matter what I said, it was nothing more than an excuse.
“Because of that incident ....
it's hard not to think of Kurose-san as a girl... and I think it's better that
we're not friends anymore.”
Luna was silent for a while.
“...Why didn't you do it until
the end? There were only two of you in the gymnasium warehouse, right?”
Luna opened her mouth and
looked at me with an expression that couldn't be read emotionally.
I was scared, but I had no
choice but to answer her.
“…Because I want my first
experience to be with Luna.”
Would my virginity be obvious
if I said that?
But what can I do? This is who
I am. Even if I try to act cool, sooner or later it will be discovered.
“Ahh, but I don't think it's
okay to cheat on you, even if it's not the first time, but... I still can't
imagine the future...”
Luna stared at me silently for
a while while I explained.
“...You used to like Maria,
didn't you?”
“That was when I was in the
first year of middle school.”
Even when I answered that,
Luna's expression was still not clear.
“I never thought about it,
but... it's a very strong feeling to love someone and tell them about it.”
Luna fumbled with her words as
if she was chewing them.
“Whenever I think that the
person Ryuuto once loved is Maria... I feel helpless. I usually try not to
worry about it.”
She mumbled so sadly that my
heart sank.
“I feel afraid. That's why...
when you called me earlier and said you wanted to 'talk', I thought you might have changed your mind and preferred
Maria.”
“Luna.....”
“I'm happy that Ryuuto still
thinks of me and appreciates me well... but every time I think that Ryuuto
might like Maria in the future, I hate myself for continuing to worry about
it...”
Tears appeared in Luna's eyes
again.
“Then what should I do?”
I opened my mouth, not knowing
what else to do.
“No matter how much I like Luna
now, it doesn't change the fact that I liked Kurose-san in the past and
confessed my love to her. If that really bothers you, then...”
As I thought about what I was
going to say, my throat, eyes, and the inside of my nose became hot.
Seriously?
On
the side of the road with people watching... let alone right in front of her.
Despite what I thought, I
couldn't stop it.
“We... can't continue this
relationship...”
I felt hot drops of water fall
from the corner of my right eye.
I was crying. It looked
pathetic, but it was the truth.
I was confused, but I couldn't
stop the pain in my heart.
Actually, I don't want to say
this.
Because I definitely don't want
to break up with her.
I want to be with her forever.
That's what I feel in my heart.
But...
“But I can't do anything about
the past...”
If only I had a time machine
and could go back to my first year of middle school.
I would tell myself never to
confess my love to another girl because a really nice girl would appear in the
future and unexpectedly become my girlfriend.
But I can't do that.
There is no time machine.
Why does Luna only tell me
this?
I don't really want... If you
say that, I don't want... Luna to go out with someone other than me.
But I feel like I shouldn't say
that. Because I already know enough in my head.
If it weren't for past
experiences, the current Luna wouldn't be standing in front of me.
“….I'm sorry, Ryuuto. Please
don't cry.”
I was startled by the feeling
of something soft and silky wiping under my eyes. Apparently, Luna was wiping
my eyes with the sleeve of her casual shirt.
She was crying herself.
“I'm the one who's wrong.”
Luna looked at me with red
eyes.
“I'm the one who knows better that
you can't change the past.”
After saying that, Luna hugged
me as if she was jumping into my chest.
“Since Ryuuto is willing to
accept me, I will also accept Ryuuto's past. The past where you once liked
Maria, everything.”
The scent of flowers or fruit
tickled my nostrils, and I held on to the warmth of her touch.
“I want to be a true lover with
Ryuuto, so I have to face your past as it is, right?”
Her voice, whispering in my
ear, made my heart flutter warmly.
“Luna...”
“I'm sorry, Ryuuto. I won't run
away again. No matter what happens to Ryuuto in the future, I promise I'll take
care of it.”
After saying that, Luna
separated her body from mine and looked at me.
“Come to think of it, the thing
that makes me uneasy is not the past, but Ryuuto's current feelings. I thought
you still had feelings for Maria somewhere. After all, Maria is a nice and
sweet girl.”
“I think Kurose-san is a good
girl too.”
I was embarrassed to cry after
such a long time, so I sniffed quietly and tried to pretend that nothing had
happened.
“That's why I stopped being her
friend.”
When I remembered Kurose-san
shaking after being attacked by an unknown person, I felt guilty again.
“I like Luna, but I think
Kurose-san is a good girl too... so if I continue to be friends with Kurose-san
like this, the times when it makes Luna uncomfortable will never come in the
future, I'm not saying that for sure.”
So I have no choice but to do
this. I hope that the culprit who attacked Kurose-san will be caught soon.
"...Ryuuto, you are really
too honest.”
Luna muttered suddenly.
“Most men lie like that. They
say sweet words like 'You're the only
girl I see' or 'There's no other girl
I love besides you.'”
Perhaps remembering her past,
Luna put her hands behind her back and kicked the gravel lightly.
“But they're still having an
affair. The people who say that.”
Her expression clouded and she
shook her head.
“That's why I'm tired of such
things, which is why I'm happy about Ryuuto's honesty.”
She smiled faintly while
muttering and turned around.
“I'm sorry that this is the
only way I can do it. If I had been more determined... I might have been able
to continue working with Luna's [Friendship
Plan].”
Luna shook her head from side
to side after hearing my words.
“I apologize too. I've made so
many mistakes in everything.”
With a bitter look on her face,
Luna lowered her head.
“What I want from Maria is not
as a 'friend' but as a 'sister'. Making up the so-called 'Friendship Plan' and involving Ryuuto,
but in the end, it destroyed the relationship between Ryuuto and Maria...”
The light leaking from the
convenience store shone on her white cheeks as she recalled the past with her
head bowed. Even in this situation, she still looked very beautiful.
“I was afraid. That's why I
didn't do it right. Because Maria hated me.”
She mumbled sadly and raised
her face to look at me.
“I'm really sorry for bothering
Ryuuto because I didn't have enough courage. For Ryuuto, Maria is your first
love. Just because you're dating me doesn't mean you can't think of Maria as a
girl...”
Luna continued to speak to me,
who couldn't answer anything and continued to stare at her in silence.
“Even so, Ryuuto still says
that you like me, but that's why I did something to test Ryuuto...”
Luna forced herself into silence,
as if thinking about her actions.
The silence lasted for a few
moments.
After thinking for a moment, I
opened my mouth.
“I don't think Kurose-san hates Luna at all, really.”
“Ehh......?”
“Kurose-san said it herself.
The reason why she transferred to our school was because, 'I wanted to surprise Luna.' But when she saw Luna's reaction, she
said that she felt betrayed....that's why she did that.”
As she continued to stare at my
face, Luna had a surprised look on her face.
“Besides, she was wearing the
moon earrings like she cared about them. She said you gave them to her, right?”
“Eh...”
"I've seen them before.
The same moon and star earrings that Luna has. If they were given to her by the
sister she hates, how could she carry them around and throw them away long ago,
right?”
Luna gasped and put her hand
over her mouth in disbelief.
“I see...”
She put her hand to her chest
and closed her eyes. Her delicate lashes fluttered gently.
“Maria...”
She felt that the name she
called out softly held an unprecedented affection.
Moments later, Luna opened her
eyes and showed the determination that had been missing a moment ago.
“I should have known very well
that Maria was a stubborn and defiant person. But I've been away from Maria for
so long... I think the distance between our hearts began to grow before I
realized it.”
As if lamenting the time that
had passed, Luna stared at the asphalt and muttered heavily.
“Sometimes, when I talk to her,
she says 'I hate you' or has an
unfriendly attitude... without realizing it, I started to think that this might
be how she really feels, and I can't behave towards Maria the way I used to.”
After saying this, Luna raised
her face.
“But if Maria changed schools
for me and still has the earrings I gave her... that means Maria's true
feelings never changed, right? Then I'll do everything I can to move on.”
The look in her eyes was full
of strong determination.
“Not as friends, but to become 'sisters' with Maria again.”
Luna looked straight at me when
I saw her make such a decision.
“Thank you, Ryuuto.”
Her smile, accompanied by a
white light like moonlight, seemed to dazzle like a goddess.
“Thanks to Ryuuto, I think I
was able to regain the important things I had lost.”
